Goodbye July

 Kendal has been begging for a pedi ever since she discovered the bear chair. So I finally got to take her today. With all the craziness in our life right now I thought she deserved this. She was in heaven!

She got her fingernails polished too. So she had to dry them.  She picked orange with glitter for her color. 

She walked out with pretty toes asking if she could do it again some day. I am glad she loved it.

THESE 2 ARE MY BEST FRIENDS :D

 I spent the rest of the evening playing with Blake and Kendal. I love when we get to spend time at home. I will be so very happy when the babies come home and we are all together. I need us all together.  We had hot dogs for dinner. Simple but a great summer food. It was a great way to end July.  We all had a great day :)

This Weekend

This weekend I was hoping the babies would be home. We are close just not that close. Rachel and Jake came up to visit the babies. It was her first time to hold them. She was overjoyed.

  The hospital no longer allows twins to co bed so they have been apart for a few days now. I really want them together but I understand their concern for SIDS. I put them in bouncy seats and I think they knew they were close to each other by the way they were acting. 

  I had so much on my mind this weekend. The closer we get to coming home the more I am trying to wrap my brain around this.  4 kids is a lot! No doubt about it. No matter how many times I try to convince myself this will be easy, truth is it won't be. I have always had a good memory and these days I am forgetful. I have always been well organized with the other 2 and now I am scattered. I have always had a lot of energy and now I can barely keep up. All of this SCARES me. I want to be the best I can be to them and not lose myself in the process. I guess I won't know how any of this is going to work until they come home. I am very anxious to get them home. Juggling everything between home and the hospital is making me crazy. Hopefully at home things will be easier. 

Thankfully Josh's mom took the kids this weekend so we could care for the babies and do all the videos and CPR training we have to get done.

We are hoping one more  week and we are home! It's getting harder and harder to leave the babies. I have to get home to my other 2 while Josh works. All of this is hard but we are getting through it. We are closer now than before.  Thank God!

The Village

I went up to see the boys today only to discover they had been moved to the village. When I walked up the lady said to me, you know your babies are in the village now? I bust out with tears of joy right there. I have waited since the day they were born for the village. Now I get to sleep in the same room with them and take care of them. I get to know my babies.  This is the next step towards home. This is the step we have been wanting.  

Driving home Josh and I heard our wedding song. And I said who would have thought when we got married we would have twins? Let alone 4 kids? Life has a funny way of working out. Some days we are bubbly and on cloud 9 some days we are scared out of our minds how we are going to do this. Not only raise 4 kids but make time for our marriage. It's a little overwhelming. But over all we are very happy that we were given these precious miracles. 

I feel like I belong at children's hospital now. Like it's my home. I have been up there since April 2nd so I don't know how to go back to our regular life. I am definitely ready but I think a part of me will miss it. It will be bitter sweet leaving the hospital and never looking back. This has been an experience I will never forget.  

Soon the kids will be back in school and it will be good the babies will be home so we can have a solid routine for them. Things are moving rather quickly now so I know it will be any day now. I need lots of prayers. I know this will work out and this is part of God's plan. He obviously knows something about me that I don't know. All I can do is be thankful for all he has blessed me with. 

The Parents Of Twins

A meeting was convened one day 
In Heaven's sacred hall. 
The ideal parents must be found 
For twins so sweet and small. 

They must be patient, first of all, 
And calm and kind and wise, 
And capable of chasing tears 
Away from little eyes. 

Would also put their children first 
And have a lot of smarts, 
With dedication and resolve, 
Two sweet and loving hearts. 

It was agreed you were the best -- 
No other ones would do. 
Yes, Heaven found the perfect ones 
And sent those twins to you! 

I FEEL VERY BLESSED! 

Happiness with a little crying

Who would have known twins would make me so happy :)  Who would have known twins would make me cry too. Don't get me wrong I am so in love with them and I love being a twin mom.  They are amazing. I cry because doing laundry for 4 was a lot now there is 6 of us. Doing laundry tonight was a bit overwhelming. I cry because how am I going to be the perfect mom to 4? It's been so easy with 2. I am full of anxiety. Everything has to be perfect when they come home and right now everything is far from it. I have been so busy with the other 2 kids and being at the hospital that everything is just a mess at home. Tonight I cried but it didn't last long. They are too precious and I am too blessed. Everything will fall into place. Getting them home is by far the most important right now. 

A lot of first happened this week. Kendal held Brody for the first time and did not want to give him back. When her dad went to take him she put up a fight. She even said give him back to me when Josh took him from her. She loves him already :)

Blake also got to hold Bryce for the first time. He loved every minute of it and is so proud of his brothers. 

I bottle fed the boys for the first time Tuesday. They still can't quite figure out what to do. So they have been practicing with them more and more. They are hoping by the end of this week they get it down. We are very ready for this to happen because when it does that means HOME! I found out since I am not a new mom I get to skip the village and go straight home. That is great news. 

I love tuesdays because it's scrapbooking day. We finally got a pic of all of us for my scrapbook. I was thrilled.  Yep 6 hearts lol

I am ready to get these babies home. I am a nervous wreck thinking about how I am going to do do it all. But it will all come together. So for now I am happy, crying, bursting with excitement, and nervous. But they are healthy which is most important and they are coming home soon. God knew I needed them in my life and that is why they are here. I am so thankful. And did I mention how they are sooo sweet laying next to each other. They touch each other and look at each other. Ohhh my cup runneth over.....

2 Month Old Twins and Life

The boys are 2 months old today. I feel like we have come a long ways. Bryce is weighing 4 lbs 10 oz and Brody is 4 pounds 4 oz. They are breathing better and bottle feeding now. Once they take all their feedings by bottle we go to the village. We are almost there. 

In the village I will stay in there with them and take care of them. Once they see they are doing fine in the village they send us home. I am so ready :) 

It feels like it's been forever and so fast all at the same time. I can't believe it's been 2 months. My body feels it I am exhausted from going back and forth to the hospital. All the walking, taking care of the other 2 there, and trying to remain sane at the same time. All of it takes a toll.

I am so ready for them to come home and for us to figure out how we are going to get in the routine of everything and how this is going to work. It has been weighing heavy on my mind because I know it is soon. There are days where I am like I can do this and there are days where I am like I don't know if I can do this. But weather or not I think I can or not, point is I have to do it and I will. Doesn't mean I am not scared or worried. But I am determined to be the best mom I can be to these 4 kids. WOW 4 kids!

I am very thankful for Taylor these days. I can call her and release my fears she listens and then she tells me I can do it. She never judges me or makes me feel bad for feeling scared or insecure. She will come visit me and sit at my table for hours and talk about everything and anything. She keeps me laughing, sane, and happy. She is heaven sent. 

I thought hey it's been 2 months I should turn the radio up and dance today. WHOA I about died. But it felt great. I will never stop dancing. No I am not 17 anymore but dancing is the way to release stress and I will do it my whole life. It's just who I am. 

It's hard to believe the summer is almost over. It seems like once the 4th has passed the rest just flies by. The kids will be going  back to school in no time. I will have a 4th grader, a kindergartner, and 2 newborns. Crazy to think of all that. It will be easier with the twins if the other 2 are at school for most of the day. Crazy just crazy. 

I am trying to make time for everything before the babies come home. Movies, lunch with friends, swimming, going to the mall, the park, spending lots of quality time with the other 2. Once they come home I won't have time for anything. Josh says he will make sure I get out a lot and he will keep the kids. He says I will need it and he is right. But I know I will feel bad leaving him with all the kids. But, thankful he is willing to let me run away some days. And I am sure he will need run away some days as well. 

So 2 month old twins. I am ready for them to come home. Hopefully it's soon!!!!!!!!!!!!

NICU

The nicu has strict rules. I guess so the babies stay well, don't get over stimulated, and all that jazz. 

Our kids get to go back but it's only certain hours. And their is only 3 to a bedside so that leaves one of us hanging out in the waiting room for a while. Total pain in our rear but that's the rules. 

So today I said I know ya'll only allow 3 but we could make an exception for a little bit to be back there as a family and maybe get a few pictures. The lady at the desk said she would have to call the nurse in charge. She hung up and said ya'll have 30 minutes and that's it. 

I made the kids wash their hands quickly 

When we got back there Kendal wasn't sure about it. She just looked at them as usual in the incubator and was ready to go. I said we are going to take them out. She watched as the nurse handed Bryce to her daddy and the biggest smile came across her face and she had to touch him. She said she loved him. 

They both looked at them for a while. Josh and I sat and let the kids hover over us and look at them. I thought I would feel overwhelmed or nervous. But I felt complete and happy. It was a joyous feeling. It was my whole family together and it was amazing! 

Our family went from 4 to 6 over night. It's not what I planned for but I couldn't be happier. Look what God gave me. Surely he thinks I am special enough to have all of this. I am going to try my best not to let him down. I love them all with all my heart. This is going to be a good life <3

My Wishes Are....

1) That I could sleep right now 

2) That I could move to Okc or Florida. Either would suit me just fine. Just somewhere where there is life and more opportunity. I want my kids to experience the same things I did growing up.

3) That I lived closer to the mall. I have been going to the mall a lot lately. I forgot how much I LOVE the mall. Even if I am not buying anything I just love being there. 

4) That I could go to the beach without having to drive a million miles away. Mark my word the twins will be sitting on the beach next summer. Both of my others went as babies and these will too. When you grow up in Florida that is just something  you dream of... your babies going to the ocean for the first time. 

5)That I could figure out what I want to be in life. Having 4 kids I am going to need a good job. I just hope I can juggle 4 kids and a job. :~0

6) That I could bring my babies home. That is my biggest wish of all at the moment.

7) That Kendal would learn to love her bed more than her daddy :) She thinks she has to be against him every night and  that is where I belong. I know she won't always be able to sleep near him so I try to let her sometimes. She was told her pet would get taken back to the store if she got in my bed again. She no longer climbs in the middle she just lays by him on the outer edge :P That girl!    

8) That Blake will love the 4th grade.

9) That  I could see my mom. She would be so amazed at how many kids I have. Especially twins. She would be happy for Clif and Rachel and how we are building our lives. She would be so proud I know.

10) That I will always know what's important and what's not.

11)  That I know what's worth fighting for and what isn't.

12)  I know who my friends are from the ones who aren't.

13) I know when it's time to hold on or let go.

14) That it's okay to be happy and perfectly fine to be sad.

15 )That I take one day at a time and don't rush what I have right now.

16) My biggest wish of all is to live my life to the fullest with no regrets. Every moment that turns into a memory is what I live for :)